ugh

I am actually pretty depressed today; I am sitting in my own cheap version of "black tie attire": black corduroy slacks, a black pinstripe short sleeve dress shirt, a silver tie, a black sweater, and a black trenchcoat. Everything is at least 5 years old. I feel ugly and cheap wearing this, but it's all I've got. My "reward" dinner tonight seems much more like a punishment or obligation. I don't know why I agreed to go.

Oh wait. I do. It's because I can't say no.

My dis-romance with formalwear, semi-formalwear, and business attire began in 9th grade with my high school debate team. I had one suit, that was purchased at the last minute at the mall. The sleeves and the legs were too short. To boot, I didn't know how to tie a tie, and my mom didn't know, so I had one tie that I just had to keep loosening and tightening; if that knot came undone, there was no one around who could redo it. People would always tell me that my tie was crooked, etc. and there was really nothing I could do about it.

I always feel uncomfortable anywhere I have to dress up. I probably felt more sure of myself wearing hotpants and platform shoes at the club than I do right now looking "respectable."