royally screwed??

I want to pull my hair out, I'm so busy. I went on a mental vacation Tuesday & Wednesday, and now everything is crashing down around me. However, today is screenprinting day, and that's actually quite fun. I just need to START.

It's so beautiful outside today.

Not on my watch

My stress level has fallen a bit, which is good. I stopped by the pawn shop on the way home and found a new bike! It's megatall and actually fits me! It was also half the price of the one I returned, so I still have some of my store credit left to buy ______. Well, they didn't have anything else there that really jumped out at me. (They had a needle-less Technics 1200 but wanted waaay to much for it.) Back to the bike- it's a red ten-speed road bike... a Japanese brand that I can't recall at the moment. The front tire was a little flat, and the brakes aren't as tight as they should be, but other than that it's much better than the bike I returned and I'm happy. I plan to use it once every never. Well, really, I need to buy a helmet, and then I'll probably use it quite a bit.

I made a list of things I can do to "pamper" myself. That kind of makes me cringe... a list of things I can do in my spare time that are actually meaningful to me. (What? There is more to life than Facebook, Connexion, Lady Bunny Blog, Eitel Thoughts, Cake Wrecks, YouTube, Yahoo! News, and Entensity? Surely you jest.) I'm going to hop in the shower, get dressed and go do one of them.

When I put air into my front tire, this petroleum-ey smelling liquid came out. What's that about?

Bueller?

Bueller?

confessions of a loserr

That's right, "loserr." Just like Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty." No, I'm just kind of frustrated because I just cannot get started this semester. All of my energies seem to be going to my jobs. i.e., today I designed ads all day, for 9.5 hours, at the newspaper. And now I have a slew of design projects due tomorrow at 9:30? I don't fucking think so. I already worked on the shit for 3 hours Saturday, 4 hours yesterday, and now 3 hours today. I haven't gotten even close to done.

It makes me mad that so many people get to breeze through life with one job, which they are able to mentally and physically leave at 5:00. Here I am in my 7th year of undergraduate education. I'm ready to throw my hands up and put that green apron on and just try to find contentment in handing out lattes. I often feel I have no place in the "real" world. It's like if you're competent, no one else is. Or if you have a different idea, it gets dismissed as crazy. Like, I think a cool idea to get the country out of this economic muff-up would be to swtich to the metric system. It's something we ought to do anyway, and remodeling our entire infrastructure would create hella jobs. Also, it's going to suck, which may actually unify everyone. Hell, they may actually revolt, which may not be a bad thing. It would be like New Coke all over again.

I also hate that I've nearly completed a degree in graphic design and I still don't feel like I know what the fuck I'm doing.

And everyone around me is a fucking flake.

And everything sucks.

And I'm a big fucking baby.

44 things

In the future, humans will communicate only through memes

Learn 44 things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about you! Tag the person that sent it plus others.

1. Do you like blue cheese?
I will eat it, like, it's okay, but I won't go out of my way to have it.

2. Have you ever been drunk?
Child!

3. Do you own a gun?
A glue gun.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
Red

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Yes.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
They're okay once in a while, especially in the summer.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
A Christmas Story

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I like coffee or tea.

9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. I actually did 30 push ups this morning.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry
I wear my $9 Target watch every day.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
Kinda.

13. What's your favorite shoe?
I love all my shoes, but right now I really love my Kenneth Cole black leather velcro sneakers.

14. Middle name?
Neal.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I love Liz Phair.
Wondering what we'll end up doing tonight.
I can't believe I cleaned my room.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Coffee
Vodka (various brands) and soda
Tea

17. Current worry?
Getting my apartment deposit back from my old landlord.

18. Current hate right now?
Greedy people.

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
I was sleeping.

21. Where would you like to go?
A warm, sunny beach!!

22. Name three people who will complete this?
Ugh, and then you're going to ask me to tag people, right?

23. Do you own slippers?
Hells yeah.

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
White t-shirt, green cardigan.

25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
I guess Madonna was right- they happen when I'm not there.

26. Can you whistle?
Yes.

27. Favorite color?
I like green and red. Not in a Christmas way.

28. Would you be a pirate?
No.

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Usually whatever dumb pop song I have in my head.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
Tabitha or Shasta. Or Slaughter.

31. Favorite boy's name?
Tito or Pickles.

32. What's in your pocket right now?
My keys and my wallet.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Matthew at work.

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
Lime green stripey ones.

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
I slipped on some ice and had to get stitches on the back of my head.

36. Do you love where you live?
Yes.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
After all these years, it's still Kraig Windschitl.

39. How many dogs do you have?
Zero.

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
I don't believe so.

41. What is your favorite book?
I will say Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block. Yes, I realize that is actually a five-book Anthology.

42. What is your favorite candy?
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

43. Favorite Sports Team?
The House of Xtravaganza

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
The Flower Duet, maybe? The best funeral song is "My Way" by Nina Hagen, but Andrew already claimed it.

grunge, iMac

I was walking downtown today and Beck's Loser popped into my head. This was my personal anthem as a 9th grade alternateen.

I do fear that grunge will soon make a comeback, and coupled with our apparent economic crisis, we've got some ugly, self-loathing times ahead.

In other news, for the second day in a row, I almost bought an iMac but didn't. I know the new ones will be out within the next four months. Also, I should probably do my part to drive our country deeper into crisis and wait like everybody else.

bring me the head of the d-bag who buys this thing

Now, I'm no stranger to trivial online purchases, but this:

is absolutely fucking ridiculous. It would cost $500.00 real, actual US dollars to buy this gift. If someone gave this to me, I think there might be some bodily harm.

Oh, and happy Valentine's Day.

you better work!

I am leaving in about an hour to take part in my friend Michael's portrait project. I am nervous only because I haven't decided what to wear. I'm supposed to bring three outfits, business/semi-formal, dark with an optional splash of bright color. I am bringing a black button-up shirt with a pink tie, a crazy wool sweater that zips up the (turtle) neck, and a super-tailored black sweatshirt with a tube neck (hard to explain) and the armpits cut out. Oh, and I have a black trenchcoat I can bring. I kind of have to relearn how to tie a tie, too. I think the shoot will be fun.

what my problem be

I never allow myself to get vulnerable, or to get into situations where I might be vulnerable. As a result, I'm dull dull dull dull dull. Two of the things that I tell myself (inside my own head) are that people don't listen to me and that I don't open up to people. Obviously these are generalizations, but I can at least do something about the latter.

But not right now. It's 12:34 in the morning and I have to be up at 5:00. Sleep once again reigns over personal development.

25 random things about me

1. I've owned Macs exclusively since 1992. I have never owned a PC.

2. Two gross foods from my childhood that I love & crave: Vienna Sausages and pickle & pimento loaf.

3. The grossest thing I have ever eaten is squirrel. I was told it was chicken.

4. Both of my parents are remarried.

5. My nephew was born on Cinco de Mayo.

6. The only time I've had surgery is to remove my wisdom teeth, of which I had five.

7. I am missing one full set of molars, two of which never materialized, and two of which were removed. My two front top teeth are veneers. I have a permanent retainer behind my bottom front teeth.

8. I am allergic to cats and penicillin.

9. My favorite breed of dog is chihuahua.

10. Things I collect (or used to collect and still have): Garbage Pail Kids, Barbies, and costume/tacky/cheap jewelry. And souls.

11. I have never had a manicure or a pedicure. I have had my eyebrows waxed.

12. The only time I have left the country is to go to Ixtapa, Mexico, in 2000.

13. I remember my dreams almost every morning.

14. I am cold quite often and I loathe air conditioning. It's rare that I am too hot.

15. I play a Japanese MMORPG (which shall remain nameless) almost every day.

16. My favorite musical instrument is surf guitar.

17. I've had my writing published and my art hung in a gallery.

18. I am extremely introverted, despite my illustrious, long career in retail sales. Which maybe is a good thing since on the inside, I am genuinely crazy.

19. My favorite video games are BurgerTime (the arcade version) and Super Mario Sunshine.

20. Two of my favorite artists are Andy Warhol and Mariko Mori.

21. My worst fear is going to a party where I didn't know anyone.

22. I have been sans automobile for 9 1/2 years.

23. My favorite album to listen to is Dannii Minogue, "Neon NIghts."

24. I have no tattoos. I've had my ears and labret pierced, but have not worn jewelry in them for some time.

25. I have been undergoing treatment for PTSD & anxiety disorder for the last 2 1/2 years.