wtf did I order???

I think I just peepeed myself a little bit.

Girls Aloud: The Singles Box Set

CD01: Sound Of The Underground
01 — Sound Of The Underground
02 — Stay Another Day
03 — Sound Of The Underground (Brian Higgins Mix)
04 — Stay Another Day (Karaoke Version)
05 — Girls Aloud Interview
06 — Sound Of The Underground (Flip & Fill Remix)
07 — Sound Of The Underground (Instrumental Breakdown Mix)

CD02: No Good Advice
01 — No Good Advice
02 — On A Round
03 — No Good Advice (Dreadzone Vocal Mix)
04 — No Good Advice (Doublefunk Dub Mix)
05 — No Good Advice (Dreadzone Dub Mix)
06 — No Good Advice (Parental Advisory Version)
07 — No Good Advice (Flip & Fill Remix)
08 — Behind The Scenes Of The Video
09 — Sound Of The Underground (Video)
10 — Photo Gallery

CD03: Life Got Cold
01 — Life Got Cold (Album Version)
02 — Girls On Film
03 — No Good Advice (Doublefunk Vocal Mix)
04 — Life Got Cold (Radio Edit)
05 — Life Got Cold (29 Palms Remix Edit)
06 — Life Got Cold (Stella Browne Edit)
07 — Life Got Cold (Stella Brown Original Mix)
08 — Lights, Music, Camera, Action
10 — Life Got Cold (29 Palms Club Remix)
11 — Life Got Cold (Stella Browne Dub)
12 — Life Got Cold (Video)
13 — Photo Gallery

CD04: Jump
01 — Jump
02 — Girls Allowed
03 — Grease
04 — Love Bomb
05 — Jump (Almighty Vocal Mix)
06 — Girls Allowed (Almighty Vocal Mix)
07 — Jump (Almighty Dub)

CD05: The Show
01 — The Show
02 — Jump (Flip & Fill Remix)
03 — The Show (Gravitas Club Remix)
04 — The After Show Interview
05 — The Show (Tony Lamezma Club Mix)
06 — The Show (Bang Bang Klub Vocal Mix)
07 — The Show (Bang Bang Dub Mix)
08 — The Show (BBK Alternative Mix)
09 — The Show (Video)
10 — The Show (Karaoke Video)
11 — Game

CD06: Love Machine
01 — Love Machine
02 — The Show (Flip & Fill Remix)
03 — Love Machine (Gravitas Disco Mix)
04 — Androgynous Girls
05 — Love Machine (Tony Lamezma Mix)
06 — Love Machine (Video)
07 — Love Machine (Karaoke Video)
08 — Club Game

CD07: I’ll Stand By You
01 — I’ll Stand By You
02 — Real Life
03 — I’ll Stand By You (Tony Lamezma’s Club Romp)
04 — What Will The Neighbours Say Medley
05 — I’ll Stand By You (Gravitas Vocal Dub Mix)
06 — I’ll Stand By You (Video)
07 — I’ll Stand By You (Karaoke Video)
08 — Game

CD08: Wake Me Up
01 — Wake Me Up
02 — I’ll Stand By You (Gravitas Vocal Dub Mix Edit)
03 — Wake Me Up (Tony’s Lamezmas “Love Affair”)
04 — History
05 — Loving Is Easy
06 — Wake Me Up (Gravitas Club Mix)
07 — Wake Me Up (Alternative Version)
08 — Wake Me Up (Video)
09 — Wake Me Up (Karaoke Video)
10 — Motorbike Game

CD09: Long Hot Summer
01 — Long Hot Summer
02 — Love Machine (Live At Hammersmith Apollo)
03 — Long Hot Summer (Benitez Beats)
04 — Real Life (Live At Hammersmith Apollo)
05 — Long Hot Summer (Tony Lamezma Rides Again)
06 — Jump (Almighty Vocal Mix)
07 — Long Hot Summer (Live At G-A-Y)
08 — Long Hot Summer (Tony Lamezma Instrumental)
09 — Long Hot Summer (Video)
10 — Long Hot Summer (Karaoke Video)
11 — Garage Game

CD10: Biology
01 — Biology
02 — The Show (Tony Lamezma Club Mix)
03 — Nobody But You
04 — Biology (Tony Lamezma Remix)
05 — Biology (Benitez Beats)
06 — Biology (Live At Wembley)
07 — Biology (Video)
08 — Biology (Karaoke Video)
09 — Game

CD11: See The Day
01 — See The Day
02 — It’s Magic
03 — I Don’t Really Hate You
04 — See The Day (Soundhouse Masterblaster Mix)
05 — Album Medley
06 — See The Day (Video)
07 — See The Day (Karaoke Video)
08 — Game

CD12: Whole Lotta History
01 — Whole Lotta History (Ash Howes Mix)
02 — Crazy Fool
03 — Whole Lotta History (Whole Lotta Lamezma Mix)
04 — Teenage Dirtbag (Live At Carling Academy, London)
05 — Whole Lotta History (Acoustic Version)
06 — Whole Lotta History (Video)
07 — Whole Lotta History (Karaoke Video)
08 — Game

CD13: Something Kinda Ooooh
01 — Something Kinda Ooooh
02 — The Crazy Life
03 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Tony Lamezma Mix)
04 — Models
05 — Girls Aloud Megamix
06 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Co-Stars Remix)
07 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Tube City Remix)
08 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Free Zr Remix)
09 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Flip & Fill Remix)
10 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Video)
11 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Karaoke Video)

CD14: I Think We’re Alone Now
01 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Single Mix)
02 — Why Do It?
03 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Uniting Nations Remix)
04 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Tony Lamezma Baubletastic Remix)
05 — Jingle Bell Rock
06 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Alternative Mix)
07 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Co-Stars Epic Club Mix)
08 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Flip & Fill Remix)
09 — I Think We’re Alone Now (Video)

CD15: Walk This Way
01 — Walk This Way
02 — Walk This Way (Yoad Mix)
03 — Walk This Way (Video)
04 — Behind The Scenes Footage

CD16: Sexy! No No No...
01 — Sexy! No No No...
02 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Live In Bournemouth)
03 — Sexy! No No No... (Tony Lamezma’s ‘Yes Yes Yes’ Mix)
04 — Dog Without A Bone
05 — Sexy! No No No... (Xenomania Club Mix)
06 — Sexy! No No No... (Flip & Fill Remix)
07 — Sexy! No No No... (Video)

CD17: Call The Shots
01 — Call The Shots
02 — Rehab (From The Jo Whiley Live Lounge)
03 — Call The Shots (Xenomania Club Mix)
04 — Blow Your Cover
05 — Call The Shots (Tony Lamezma Sniper Mix)
06 — Call The Shots (Tony Lamezma’s Radio Edit)
07 — Call The Shots (Video)

CD18: Can’t Speak French
01 — Can’t Speak French (Radio Edit)
02 — Hoxton Heroes
03 — Je Ne Parle Pas Français
04 — Can’t Speak French (Passions Remix)
05 — With Every Heartbeat (From The Jo Whiley Live Lounge)
06 — Can’t Speak French (Tony Lamezma Radio Edit)
07 — Can’t Speak French (Video)

CD19: The Promise
01 — The Promise (Radio Edit)
02 — She
03 — Girl Overboard (Live At The O2 Arena)
04 — The Promise (Jason Nevins Extended Mix)
05 — The Promise (Jason Nevins Radio Edit)
06 — The Promise (Jason Nevins Dub Mix)
07 — The Promise (Dave Aude Radio Edit)
08 — The Promise (Dave Aude Club Mix)
09 — The Promise (Dave Aude Dub Mix)
10 — The Promise (Flip & Fill Remix)

CD20: The Loving Kind
01 — The Loving Kind (Radio Edit)
02 — Girls On 45 Volume 2
03 — Memory Of You
04 — The Loving Kind (Utah Saints Club Mix)
05 — The Loving Kind (Wideboys Club Mix)
06 — The Loving Kind (Wideboys Radio Mix)
07 — The Loving Kind (Wideboys Dub)
08 — The Loving Kind (Utah Saints Radio Mix)
09 — The Loving Kind (Utah Saints Dub)

CD21: Untouchable
01 — Untouchable (Radio Mix)
02 — It’s Your Dynamite
03 — Love Is The Key (Thriller Jill Mix – From The Girls Aloud Party)
04 — Untouchable (Album Version Edit)
05 — Untouchable (Bimbo Jones Club Mix)
06 — Untouchable (Bimbo Jones Radio Mix)
07 — Untouchable (Bimbo Jones Dub)

CD22: The Rarities Disc
01 — No Good Advice (Original Demo)
02 — Long Hot Summer (Alternate Version 1)
03 — Long Hot Summer( Alternate Version 2)
04 — Sexy! No No No… (Development Track)
05 — On My Way To Satisfaction
06 — Love Machine (Original Demo)
07 — Some Kind Of Miracle (Illicit Mix)
08 — Something Kinda Ooooh (Original Demo)

only 8 days and 14 hours til I get my life back

I lent "Rhythm Heaven" to Jeff so that I could focus on working, but then I ended up picking my top 5 of this and top 5 of that, and accomplishing nothing, basically. But you know what? I'm in a great mood and that's what's important.

bLAh bLAh bLAh

creative burnout--- well not being creative in the ways that i am supposed to be (i.e. for my class assignments). i did think about writing some poetry though.

sleeping waaaay too much- it is my true escape from the feeling of responsibility. Responsible for making all of this work happen and nothing comes of it. Bone dry.

trying to be patient with myself, but days are slipping by and it is frustrating to be in this cycle of sleep, (job), vedge, sleep, vedge, sleep

i am extremely frightened about the future- need to make a large change and am unsure what that will look like right now.

bought Dangerous Angels on amazon.com- this book has gotten me through some difficult times. i think i have read it at least 5 times. cannot say that about many books. jane eyre i have read three times. karen kingston- i have probably read 6 or 7 times.

hamburger mary's crispy caramel chicken salad is the most disgusting food i have ever ordered/eaten. so, so disgusting.

part of me wonders if i should just take a real, balls-to-the-wall day off. i keep trying to force the work and nothing comes of it. would love to have a day just to read magazines and drink coffee. it seems counterintuitive to take a mini-vacay when i've got this massive workload weighing me down, but.... i guess i don't know what else to do. i also should stop by the financial aid office and see what would happen if i flunked out this semester. i think i would have to pay my loan money back, but if i don't then i might just leave.

wish list (incomplete)

in no particular order:

• everyone in my life to get clear on what they need to be truly happy, and then to make extraordinarily thorough progress on receiving/achieving those things. Psychic blockages cleared, fresh-faced, and ready to go.

• a cure for my procrastination

• a legendary vacation where I come back completely relaxed and grounded

• Kiehl's Vital Sun Protection Lotion SPF 30

• new copies of Naked and Dangerous Angels, and perhaps even extra copies that I can just give to people, since I am apparently very fond of lending them out.

• mad tarot reading skillz

• balance between work, play & vedge; too much of the latter at the moment.

• another space clearing with Nicole

• more confidence (what? a gay guy with confidence issues? get Ripley's on the phone!)

• one or both of my parents (& corresponding family members) to move to a major metropolitan area, preferably one that I want to visit

success!!

After a delayed start (due to the snow) my boss and I made it just in time for the awards dinner. She lent (and later gave) me a nice houndstooth blazer, and once I put it on I felt a little more confident.

And then once we arrived, I felt totally fine because "black tie attire" in Colorado means "maybe don't wear jeans." I expected to see a room full of tuxedos and evening gowns, but spotted nary a one.

I just emailed James to see if he was out in this mess. If I put my wellies on and brave the slush I don't think I would mind having a drink right now.

ugh

I am actually pretty depressed today; I am sitting in my own cheap version of "black tie attire": black corduroy slacks, a black pinstripe short sleeve dress shirt, a silver tie, a black sweater, and a black trenchcoat. Everything is at least 5 years old. I feel ugly and cheap wearing this, but it's all I've got. My "reward" dinner tonight seems much more like a punishment or obligation. I don't know why I agreed to go.

Oh wait. I do. It's because I can't say no.

My dis-romance with formalwear, semi-formalwear, and business attire began in 9th grade with my high school debate team. I had one suit, that was purchased at the last minute at the mall. The sleeves and the legs were too short. To boot, I didn't know how to tie a tie, and my mom didn't know, so I had one tie that I just had to keep loosening and tightening; if that knot came undone, there was no one around who could redo it. People would always tell me that my tie was crooked, etc. and there was really nothing I could do about it.

I always feel uncomfortable anywhere I have to dress up. I probably felt more sure of myself wearing hotpants and platform shoes at the club than I do right now looking "respectable."

confessions of a 2M4M teabagger

These teabaggers are fucking morons. "Get your hands out of my wallet!" Well, then get the fuck off my roads, get your rugrats out of my schools, and find your own fucking cops and go wrangle up your own goddamn terrorists. I'm not thrilled about the bailout either but I do think that a respectable, intelligent Harvard-educated lawyer with a team of professional advisors probably know a little bit more about the situation than I do. And if I had a choice between half a paycheck and none at all I'd probably find a way to do without NASCAR and taking my kids to go see Hannah Montana, and you know what? I think I would get my big fat lily white ass on a fucking bicycle rather than paying $3/gal to fill up my F150 to go to my job that I thankfully still have because someone in this goddamn country is trying to do something for me. No one knows if this is going to work or not, and Miss Cleo is down in Florida lezzin' it up, so you're just going to have to cross your fingers and be thankful for the really important things and realize that we're all in this together.

writing the shit out

After work I came home & ate my veggies, then I went to Pablo's to write in my brand spanking new journal. I got a little bit of insight there- mostly that I should be thankful for what I have rather than constantly agonizing over what I don't have. It feels better and obviously is more spiritually attuned than finding the 2% of my life that isn't working and crawling into it.

Of course as soon as I get home I have no inclination to do anything important whatsoever. I am giving my Andy Warhol presentation tomorrow and kind of just want to wing it. If I don't do it tonight I will get up early and do it then. Part of the problem is that I haven't clarified in my head yet just exactly how we are alike and how we are different- I know I posted a list here, but I just feel like there is something I am missing, even though it is right in front of my face.

I forgot (until tonight) that I agreed to go to this crappy-ass awards ceremony Friday night for Sister Somebody... who the fuck knows? I was given a ticket as a "reward" at work and would feel much much better about it if I had something decent to wear. It's black tie, which I don't have/can't do, so my boss is lending me a jacket to wear, and I am totally horrified!! I'm an art student in Denver. In Denver, people wear jeans *everywhere*. I don't own a stitch of formal or semi-formal or business wear.

Maybe I should stay up all night and finish this presentation so I can go to the Goodwill tomorrow morning? Macy's tomorrow afternoon? This is retarded. The story I am telling myself is that I will meet some handsome, respectable guy. But will I be hanging out with a bunch of people I don't know in a jacket 4" too short? Sources say "yes".

i'm not going to angst out, i'm going to do something about it

I keep having all these, well, not crazy, but definitely negative thoughts and I keep trying to console myself with the fact that I am long overdue for a vacation. Oh, and I have not slept for two days.

I think I'm going to give myself a pedicure here in a little bit.

The Haunting in Colorado

p.s. by the way, this morning was the second day in a row that our kitchen/porch door was locked. I have no recollection of locking it... we usually just keep the porch/outside door locked so we never lock this particular door. So either:

1) in some kind of paranoid blur, I have been locking this door and not remembering
2) we have a ghost
3) we have an intruder (possibly the landlady??)

What's really weird is that the lock requires a key on both sides.

tosh, bosh, flotsam & jetsam

I spent Easter by myself, in my house. Looking back, it feels a bit like Sixteen Candles. All of my holidays since Christmas have been non-existent. It's actually starting to freak me out a little bit.

I had a long nap followed by a Starbucks energy drink, so now in addition to not having the motivation to work I have no interest in sleeping. I did photograph all of my recent art work for a presentation I have to give Tuesday (or Thursday?) about an artist that inspires my work. It feels pretty conceited to be comparing his work to mine, but I do feel connected to him in some ways.

ALIKE:
• urban themes
• self-portraiture
• screenprinting
• found imagery/ephemera
• we're the geighs, allegedly

DIFFERENT:
• object- and concept-oriented vs. idea-oriented
• art as commodity vs. art conveying an experience
• lacking artist's hand vs. markmaking as identity/identification

It's a little discouraging to look at my work as a whole because it is so disparate and all over the map... stylewise, subject matter, etc. One of my feelings in the ongoing debate of "should I be an artist? should I be a designer?" is that I think I could contribute to the art world and the world as a whole with my art. When I think of being a designer, I think about getting a steady/-ish paycheck, having weekends off, and spending two weeks a year out of the country. But I think the art that I've made very recently feels "designed" more than purely intuitive.

weird/scary dream

I just woke up from a dream that took place in the future. I flew to London, which took about an hour. Everything was computerized, including cars. It was my first time overseas, and everything was freaking me out because Britain had advanced technologically faster than the U.S. and most of this stuff I had never seen before. It was raining, and I got to my hotel and I noticed I had a piece of microscope slide glass stuck in my finger, and it was bleeding. Only the blood was perfectly clear, almost like water but still thick. I went back out to my rental car and looked around for a band-aid. It accidentally started and took off driving, and not very well, mind you. It started off by pulling a u-turn up on the sidewalk and then launching off of the curb. Then it hit the highway, which was a total mess. I eventually put it into manual and drove around, again, badly. I was constantly almost in an accident.

I ended up back at the airport. They had these first aid booths there which were completely automated. I don't actually remember going in one, but my finger wound up being healed. I was more fascinated with the fact that I was standing in front of the entrance to a restricted wing of the airport which held something "very valuable." There was also a rock band that was permitted to hang out in that wing, so there were groupies out front trying to get in. I think I started talking to one about how freaked out I was about all of the new technology.

Skip to another dream? another part? Don't know. I am in a football field with a huge (100s) group of bona fide late 1960's hippies. We're in Texas or something like that. The new sheriff has gathered all of the hippies here to convince them to go fight in Vietnam. The stadium is built into a natural hill, and all of the hippies at the top are standing around and the sheriff tells them that they need to sit down, and they do. I am sitting on the lawn at the bottom of the hill.

Then about 10 or so planes and flying saucers fly across the sky and stop mid-air above us. They are all different looking, but a lot of them look like large mechanical insects. The sheriff gives them some kind of signal and they show off their flight capabilities, then stop again mid-air, all at the same time. It's scary to watch. It's implied that we should go fight in Vietnam because then we get to fly these amazing contraptions that we are all awed by. Then the planes drop thousands of flyers onto the stadium. I get one and it looks like a photocopy from the Metropolitan newspaper where I work, only on an oddly-sized piece of paper, maybe 9 x 12 or so. Someone next to me tells me that the army has their own standard paper sizes. Then I woke up.

for Kyle

Dammit, Helga, how many times do I need to explain?

YOU HAVE TO MOVE THE TREE.

ready? ok.

What I need to be doing is channeling some serious Karen Kingston feng shui powers. My desk is a mess and I can't think straight.

Also I think I need to start wearing my glasses again. I acquired a pair of prescription glasses back in 2005 when I had great insurance. And I mean, these glasses have like a whisper of a prescription. Like the glasses hanging by the checkout stand at Walgreens are stronger than these fucking things. They're basically like fashion frames +. Anyway, I started wearing them regularly last summer until this guy that I went out with a couple of times accused me of wearing them to make myself look smarter (which was true). But do to a recent trip to the doctor's and the subsequent eye exam I was given there, it became obvious that I really have some problems with my vision, especially the ability to see anything farther than three feet away from my face.

dream

I dreamt during my nap that I was playing some sort of puzzle video game. Each level was a maze made up of walls & tiles. You could only step on the tiles once, and only in a certain direction, to make it to the goal. It was like a NES game, with the point of view like you were floating above the whole leve. It started very easily. Then I got to this level and I stepped on a tile and the game became 3D and I was surrounded by the level. It turns out that the tiles I saw on the screen were really being held up by these jade statues of Dannii Minogue. The entire area was some sort of shrine/sanctuary and people had left offerings to the statues, which were all identical.

a conversation

"Hey! What are you doing?"
"Watching a documentary."
"Oh yeah? What about?"
"Anal fucking."